How Jim Gaffigan Made Me Better at Resolving Conflict
You know what makes Jim Gaffigan so hilarious? His comedic bits relate to the simple parts of our lives, yes, but the real kicker is his delivery. The different voices, mannerisms, and narration of our own thoughts is what compounds the act into hilarity. Same goes for you. When you want to come to a resolution on something that has been a source of conflict, how you approach and deliver yourself makes all the difference.
We all want to be understood a little better
When I was in college, I would often get hangry (still do if I’m not careful), and thankfully, I had the best of friends. It always happened the same. They would look at me aghast at whatever rude thing I said or awful look I had on my face. Then, one would chime in, “she hasn’t eaten yet.” And peace would be restored. They instantly forgave, forgot, and moved me along to the dining hall. Imagine having that kind of understanding at work!
When you have the ability to put the desire for resolution above your desire of being right, powerful relationships can develop. You begin to understand the other person. So when it happens again (what led to your conflict), it’s different because you understand them.
Watch below to learn my 3 E system to approach conflict that starts with a mindful delivery and ends with being able to move forward.
The 3 EEE’s to resolving conflict
Example: be specific here. Point to a certain time, place, give context, bring that person back to the incident. If you generalize at this point, like saying broadly, “You always ‘fill in the blank’…”, you’ll lose your listener; we instantly disqualify a statement like that due to its exaggeration.
Emotion: how did that make you feel? Again, specific. Sharing how we feel is vulnerable and compelling. It also brings us closer, it’s past surface level talk.
Effect: share how you think this behavior will impact your future (together). “I’m worried that if you continue (example) and I continue to feel (emotion) that I (effect): may not be able to work with you on this project.”
There. You’ve laid it all out. If at the same time you can be receptive to their side of the story and their ideas for resolution, you’ll be able to learn a little more about what makes that person tick.